firenze sur: I Could Pee on This: And Other Poems by Cats

Rating: ★★★★★
23/07/14

Suck on that, Baudelaire. Now this is what I call real, heartfelt poetry. Cats had the need of explaining themselves, of sharing their thoughts and feelings through these amazing poems. Outstanding work, honestly.

One of my favorites was:

WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING?

Why are you screaming?

What did I do wrong?

Why are you crying?

How can I make it right?

Would you like it in a different color?

Would you like it in a different size?

Would you like it in a different room?

I just wanted to show my love

I just wanted to express my thanks

I just wanted to put a dead mouse on your sheets

But now you are screaming

And I don't know how to make you stop

It reminded me of a good anecdote that I have already mentioned: when my cat broke that 80 year-old set of cups. Now, I can picture him looking at me saying “Why are you screaming? What did I do wrong?”.

Oh, wait, this one describes the scene beautifully:

THAT TOP SHELF

I think I can jump to that top shelf

I want to jump to that top shelf

I know I can jump to that top shelf

I am jumping to that top shelf

I missed that top shelf by a good six feet

And now everything is on the floor

And I'm left wondering

Why people even bother buying china

If it breaks so easily

Another one that I liked was “Separation”. It is a touching poem about love and jealousy. When I think of jealousy I think of Othello, but recently, while reading Dostoevsky's The Brothers Karamazov, I found an interesting passage that explained how Othello actually was a trustful man, according to Pushkin. People pushed the idea of deceit on him simply too much. That does not happen with the truly jealous man, who is ready to hide, spy and do shameful things that reach the point of moral degradation. Anyway, it is an interesting point of view, and cats are also capable of these kind of thinking process. Hence, this poem:

SEPARATION

You can have the CDs,

I will take the string

You can have the TV,

I will take this fuzzy thing

You can have the kitchen set,

I will take this crumpled foil

You can have the car,

I will keep this rug I soil

You can have the beach house,

I will take this tissue box

You can have everything,

Ooo I want those dirty socks

You can go to hell, I will see to that

For how dare you come home

smelling of another cat?

There are more of these powerful poems that show us how cats are affected by, say, a move, a leash (“The Leash”, so funny), a castration (“Seriously”, hilarious), a bath, an irritated human look because he almost falls thanks to a cat between the legs (when that is just another way to show affection, unless the cat is really trying to kill you. For more tips, read this one ).

It is not just about family, these talented felines also wrote poems about

work

play

and existence.

It is a charming little book with hilarious poems written by talented kitties. What more do you want? After reading this, you will be able to look at your cat straight in the eyes and say: “I get it. I really do get it... furry face.”