The Tales of Mother Goose - Charles Perrault

Rating: ★★★
19/01/14

Yes. I'm reviewing The Tales Of Mother Goose and I'm not ashamed of it.

So, I was looking at my childhood shelves (yes, that actually exists) this morning and I ended up re-re-re-re-reading Perrault's fairy tales. I decided to write some lines because, well, it's Sunday and I didn't have this book on my GR shelves (even though as a kid, I was a big fan of "the guy who wrote Cinderella"). And by "lines" I mean just one thought. These 17th-century fairy tales are really, honestly, so fucked-up. Wolves and ogres eating little kids, snakes coming out of girls' mouths, cruel/negligent parents and subjugated kids, several killings for different reasons (hunger, disobedience). I wouldn't have been able to get a good night sleep after hearing about grandma's desire of eating her grandsons. And what about hubby serial killer Bluebeard? Wasn't he a delight?

Disney certainly gave us a lighter version of all these.

There are little pieces of truth inside those innocent tales (“The Fairies”, where there's a mother who loved the elder daughter because she resembled her so closely –“as people naturally love their own likeness”) and other stuff are confusing and unfair (ugly people telling you it's more important to be smart than beautiful but eventually, they end up being beautiful too, so...).

I've always enjoyed the morals; those little verses at the end of the tale that shows the author's interpretation. After a bloody, disturbing tale, there's usually a lesson to be learned.

Nature oft, with open arms,
Lavishes a thousand charms;
But it is not these that bring
True love's truest offering.
'Tis some quality that lies
All unseen to other eyes --
Something in the heart or mind.

The Hunting of the Snark - Lewis Carroll

Rating: ★★★★★
11/01/14

Well, I gave TV a chance today. However, I found Titanic, Terminator 3, reality shows and other stuff, so, those aren't real options for me. I have no sitcoms to watch right now. Although, I'm kind of tired of watching the same sitcoms/tv series all the time. There's nothing new now. Once Upon a Time is on, so that's a good background sound. What to do on a Saturday afternoon? Yes. Let's find something out of the ordinary to read. And what did I find? A brilliant, typical Carroll nonsense poem. I loved it. Such a unique and fascinating work, full of wit, mystery and absurdity. A bunch of weird men go to find an even weirder creature called Snark. Among those men, we have a Bellman, a Boots, a Barrister, a Broker, a Beaver, a Butcher who only can kill beavers and even a guy who forgot his name!

He would answer to "Hi!" or to any loud cry,

Such as "Fry me!" or "Fritter my wig!"

To "What-you-may-call-um!" or "What-was-his-name!"

But especially "Thing-um-a-jig!"

Well, I think it's funny, don't judge me. It's also amusing the way the Snark it's described. It seems we may have met a couple of Snarks in our lives.

The third is its slowness in taking a jest.

Should you happen to venture on one,

It will sigh like a thing that is deeply distressed:

And it always looks grave at a pun.

I know I did!

Anyway, after reading this poem (it has beautiful illustrations, too), I started to search for meanings, a classic “What the hell did I just read?” kind of questions. So this journey doesn't end with the last verse.

There are a couple of references from another poem written by Carroll, Jabberwocky, published in his novel Through the Looking-Glass, and What Alice Found There, which I read years ago. I re-read it and it made me want to read the whole novel again! And no, there's no shame in that. 'Some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again', another Lewis said. I never stopped reading those, anyway.

Amphigorey Too - Edward Gorey

Rating: ★★★★★
09/12/13

I really needed a doses of twisted laughs and creepy nonsense. By the end of the year, apparently the whole universe is plotting against me and loads of work are piling up next to my massive to-read pile. One is the fun pile, the other one is the academic/work pile. And people couldn't care less about this, so, when I have time, I'll write a proper review. You know, one that is, actually, about the book and not my personal whatever. Although, I'll probably forget all about it and this is what people are going to read for months.

Anyway, all I can say is that I'm a Gorey fan now!

* Photo credit: Book cover via Goodreads.

I Could Chew on This: And Other Poems by Dogs - Francesco Marciuliano

Rating: ★★★★★

17/11/13

After the awesome book that enlightened me about cats' behavior and intentions, I Could Pee on This: And Other Poems by Cats, I had to read this one.

I had dogs and cats, and I love them equally. I mean, there are some prejudices about dogs being dumber than cats, supported by media everywhere.

But I don't believe that, really...

Anyway, lovely book of poems. It has four chapters that help you to understand your furry friend, a little bit more. There are some insightful points of view here. They have feelings too, you know. For example, if you're about to give them some food, don't stop to do your stuff, feed them first. You already showed them the can/bag of food. THEY KNOW. Don't make them feel this way:

Dance of Joy

This is the dance I do for you, do for you

This is the dance I do for you

As you get my can of food

This is the twirl I do for you, do for you

This is the twirl I do for you

As you open my can of food

This is the leap I do for you, do for you

This is the eight-foot vertical leap

I do for you

As you stop serving my food to answer

the phone

This is me running in a sheer panic,

wild panic

This is me running in desperate,

gasping, blind panic

As you continue to talk on the phone...

… THIS IS ME LOSING MY [censored] MIND

MY [censored] BRAINS, MY [censored] COOL

THIS IS ME WONDERING WHAT THE [censored]

COULD BE SO [censored] IMPORTANT

THAT YOU’RE STILL ON THE [censored] PHONE

This is me realizing I was howling out loud,

really loud

And that perhaps I overreacted

just a little

And so this is me eating the food

you give to me, always give to me

Touching.

There are little gems all over this book:

Where Are You?!?

I was so worried

I was so scared

I thought that I had lost you

And the life that we both shared

I searched through the entire house

From the basement to the attic

The living, dining, and bedrooms

Even the trash cans, because I was frantic

Up and down the staircase

Back and forth across the halls

In and out through every door

Louder and louder were my calls

I had given up every hope

I had given in to despair

I had given the bad news to the pet cat

Who gave me a look before re-licking her hair

But just when all seemed lost, I found you

And it gave my heart a rush

To see you sitting—startled, but alive and well

So if you don’t mind,

I’ll just stay here until you flush

The desperate sense of loss in this poem is overwhelming. You can only imagine this dog's smile when its owner was found.

I Dropped a Ball

I dropped a ball in your lap

It’s time to play

I just put a ball in your lap

So it’s time to play

See that ball I placed in your lap?

That means it’s time to play

You can have your emergency appendectomy

Any other day

But I dropped a ball in your lap

And now it’s time to play

Yes dog, people should know their priorities!

Wingman

I wag my tail

I tilt my head

I give a little wink

I flash my smile

I show my belly

I give a little lick

I do it all

From sit to speak

To attract women far and near

Then you chime in

With something about “fan fiction”

And I realize we’re going to die alone

Lassie

How come

With just a few barks

Everyone can understand

That Lassie is saying

Timmy fell down the well

But with my endless whining and gnawing

You can’t understand

That I am saying

I’d rather the earth swallowed me whole

Than go out in public wearing this raincoat

I loved this book. Happy reading!

* Photo credit: Book cover via Goodreads.
Sign dog and cat via Pinterest
The rest of the photos from I Could Chew on This: And Other Poems by Dogs by Francesco Marciuliano.

I Could Pee on This: And Other Poems by Cats - Francesco Marciuliano

Rating: ★★★★★
23/07/14

Suck on that, Baudelaire. Now this is what I call real, heartfelt poetry. Cats had the need of explaining themselves, of sharing their thoughts and feelings through these amazing poems. Outstanding work, honestly.

One of my favorites was:

WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING?

Why are you screaming?

What did I do wrong?

Why are you crying?

How can I make it right?

Would you like it in a different color?

Would you like it in a different size?

Would you like it in a different room?

I just wanted to show my love

I just wanted to express my thanks

I just wanted to put a dead mouse on your sheets

But now you are screaming

And I don't know how to make you stop

It reminded me of a good anecdote that I have already mentioned: when my cat broke that 80 year-old set of cups. Now, I can picture him looking at me saying “Why are you screaming? What did I do wrong?”.

Oh, wait, this one describes the scene beautifully:

THAT TOP SHELF

I think I can jump to that top shelf

I want to jump to that top shelf

I know I can jump to that top shelf

I am jumping to that top shelf

I missed that top shelf by a good six feet

And now everything is on the floor

And I'm left wondering

Why people even bother buying china

If it breaks so easily

Another one that I liked was “Separation”. It is a touching poem about love and jealousy. When I think of jealousy I think of Othello, but recently, while reading Dostoevsky's The Brothers Karamazov, I found an interesting passage that explained how Othello actually was a trustful man, according to Pushkin. People pushed the idea of deceit on him simply too much. That does not happen with the truly jealous man, who is ready to hide, spy and do shameful things that reach the point of moral degradation. Anyway, it is an interesting point of view, and cats are also capable of these kind of thinking process. Hence, this poem:

SEPARATION

You can have the CDs,

I will take the string

You can have the TV,

I will take this fuzzy thing

You can have the kitchen set,

I will take this crumpled foil

You can have the car,

I will keep this rug I soil

You can have the beach house,

I will take this tissue box

You can have everything,

Ooo I want those dirty socks

You can go to hell, I will see to that

For how dare you come home

smelling of another cat?

There are more of these powerful poems that show us how cats are affected by, say, a move, a leash (“The Leash”, so funny), a castration (“Seriously”, hilarious), a bath, an irritated human look because he almost falls thanks to a cat between the legs (when that is just another way to show affection, unless the cat is really trying to kill you. For more tips, read this one ).

It is not just about family, these talented felines also wrote poems about

work

play

and existence.

It is a charming little book with hilarious poems written by talented kitties. What more do you want? After reading this, you will be able to look at your cat straight in the eyes and say: “I get it. I really do get it... furry face.”

* Credit: Book cover via Goodreads.
All photos from I Could Pee on This: And Other Poems by Cats by Francesco Marciuliano

All My Friends Are Still Dead - Avery Monsen

Rating: ★★★★
03/11/13

This guy did it again. A hilarious book that I wished it was longer (is that remotely correct?). Loved it. Loneliness is a serious matter, I should know, so you must have a dark and twisted kind of humor to really enjoy this. 

Big fan over here.

There's people and animals complaining about having all their friends dead. There's a bored angel complaining because all his friends are still alive. All sort of objects whining because they're pathetic friendless things waiting for some affection, or because their friends aren't exactly what they expected. Even poor Mr. Grim Reaper wants to connect with other people, but, sometimes, no matter how badly we want to be friends with someone, it's beyond our control and people can be severely injured...

There are some hilarious cartoons like this one:

Even if you consider someone your friend, that doesn't really mean they feel the same way. Learn how to detect your real friends, if you have any! If not, well, hmm, one less thing to worry about.

* Photo credit: Book cover via Goodreads.
Picture by Avery Monsen.

Amphigorey - Edward Gorey

Rating: ★★★★★
30/11/13

I loved this book! This is a collection of fifteen stories and drawings. Gorey's artwork is stunning. And his twisted, creepy sense of humor is just my cup of tea (not everyone's cup, I know). It can be dark but funny at the same time. It's not about some silly, creepy stories, there's a dark reality here that can be found outside this book. So, if this is too twisted and horrifying for you, can you survive watching the late night news?

My first Gorey was The Gashlycrumb Tinies. And I just immediately connected with this weird little man. Most of the times, there's a lesson to be learned in these stories. So, it's weird but also hmm... educational.

* Photo credit: Book cover via Goodreads.

All My Friends Are Dead - Avery Monsen

Rating: ★★★★
03/01/14




This is a funny book about people with no friends because of several reasons: meteors, age, lonely jobs, Internet, death.









I felt sorry for all the characters but especially for this tree.

I mean, look at it, a lonely piece of wood whose only companion is a bunch of indifferent leaves. Not even birds' nests. He turned into a coffee table and, surrounded by hundreds of objects in some house, still had no friends.

It seems when you're desperate to connect with people, you become some sort of friend repellent. So don't try too hard...

Anyway, whenever you think you're alone in this world, that you're a cool, interesting but friendless person, buy this book (I'm assuming you'll just have to buy it yourself) and remember, you might be alone but, ironically, you're not the only one feeling that way.

There must be a club, somewhere.

* Photo credit: Book cover via Goodreads.
Picture by Avery Monsen.

How to Tell if Your Cat is Plotting Against You - Matthew Inman, The Oatmeal

Rating: ★★★★★
09/05/14

These days I've been experimenting with some awesomely weird books. Yes, people may think that I'll never grow up, but these books I've read that seem to be for kids, I assure you they're not. Suggestion: if you don't want kids suffering awful traumas or to be potential psychos...

...turn off the TV and give them some Roald Dahl to read.

So, this book is not only useful, because it offers some great ideas to know if your cat is plotting to kill you, is also too damn funny. There are several explanations about cats and their behavior: direction of ears according to each kind of mood, what they love and hate, how they see us. Also some hilarious cartoons about the Bobcats: angry, bossy and selfish working cats that bully everybody in the office. They wear little ties, steal everyone's lunch and hates the “howler monkey”. (I can think of a few people that fit the “howler monkey” kind of guy; yes, quite annoying fellas).

It also shows us cats' big battle against the Internet. Big lesson to remember at all times: when they demand attention, you should listen. Your furniture would be grateful.

Anyway, this book finishes with what's like to have a baby and to have a cat. Mothers' could think it's a harsh and twisted kind of humor (?) Well, I liked it...

All in all, it's a hilarious book that every person with a cat should read. These superb and intelligent creatures that treats dogs and humans as idiots and slaves, respectively, are great companions, especially on rainy afternoons when you're reading an awesome book by the window with a cup of coffee next to you. (Yes, I'm focusing on the nice aspects.)

I love animals, and right now, I have a cat. Well, yesterday, this nice feline broke a set of cups that has been in my family for 70 or 80 years. I wanted to leave him with only five lives, but once I saw such a little and innocent face, what could I do?

I feel powerless.

* Photo credit: from Happy Tree Friends / via Memedroid.
Shrek 2 / Dreamworks Animation via Daily Mail.

The Gashlycrumb Tinies (The Vinegar Works, #1) - Edward Gorey

Rating: ★★★★
10/11/13

I've met the guy that inspired the awesome Tim Burton, finally. And as I figured, his weird awesomeness is breathtaking.

This is a book apparently for children (it is NOT) that, with quite a morbid sense of humor, teaches the alphabet. Twenty-six ways to die and lovely pictures describing each one of them.

This would have been such a funny way to learn the alphabet, although I'd probably be a hypochondriac or a sociopath by now. Who knows.

My letter is F.

Now that's a bad way to go.

* Photo credit: Book cover via Goodreads.
Picture from The Gashlycrumb Tinies (The Vinegar Works, #1) by Edward Gorey